If you’ve spent any time online, chances are you’ve seen the phrase:
“May you have the confidence of a mediocre white man.”

It’s funny because it’s true — and it hits a nerve because it exposes something deeper about who society encourages to take up space, speak loudly, and believe they belong.

This phrase isn’t about attacking individuals. It’s about naming a system.

Where This Phrase Comes From

The joke works because it highlights a cultural pattern: confidence is often rewarded regardless of competence — but only for certain people.

For many women, queer people, and marginalised communities, confidence is something we’re told to earn. To justify. To soften. To apologise for.

Meanwhile, others are encouraged to lead, speak, and exist loudly — even when underqualified.

Confidence vs Competence

Confidence isn’t the same as ability.
But the world often treats it that way.

When confidence is mistaken for competence, it reinforces inequality. Those already centred by society are given more room to grow, fail, and still be believed in.

For everyone else, hesitation is punished — and self-doubt becomes internalised.

Why Marginalised People Learn to Doubt Themselves

Queer people grow up navigating:

• Visibility that can feel unsafe
  
• Constant self-monitoring
  
• Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
  

Over time, that teaches us to shrink.

Impostor syndrome doesn’t come from nowhere — it’s learned through systems that tell us we’re exceptions instead of defaults.

Impostor Syndrome in Queer Spaces

Even within queer communities, confidence can feel complicated.

There’s pressure to:

• Be palatable
  
• Be articulate
  
• Be “the right kind” of queer
  

But confidence doesn’t have to look loud, polished, or performative. It can be quiet. Messy. Growing.

Reclaiming Confidence as Resistance

Choosing confidence as a queer person isn’t arrogance — it’s resistance.

It’s saying:

• 
  I belong here
  
• 
  I don’t need permission
  
• 
  My voice matters
  

Confidence doesn’t mean never doubting yourself.
It means showing up anyway.

Wearing Confidence (Literally and Figuratively)

Sometimes confidence starts externally — with words you see often enough that they sink in.

That’s why messages matter.
What we wear can be armour, humour, reminder, and protest all at once.

Wearing something that names a shared truth can feel like being in on a joke that’s also deeply validating.

Sometimes confidence starts externally — with words you see often enough that they begin to sink in. That’s why we created our “May You Have the Confidence of a Mediocre White Man” tee — as a reminder you can wear, not a message you have to earn.